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Rumour Mill – PAX Australia Roundup

After years of growth in North America, PAX – the Penny Arcade Expo – has finally spread its wings and soared further afield. PAX Australia took place in Melbourne over the weekend, and we were there to get all the latest scoops.

Maybe.

I don’t actually remember anything from the weekend. I only just got back to Brisbane after a horrendous couple of days hitchhiking (always remember, Gas, Grass or Ass), and I have no showbags, no press badge, no photos, just these random scrawled notes and some poorly photoshopped images. I won’t let a temporary fugue state get in the way of true and proper journalism though, dear readers, that isn’t in my nature.

DR. BATTLEFIELD: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP SHOOTING AND LOVE THE BANDAGE

In an unprecedented move, Battlefield 4 is eschewing guns in favour of bandages. Developer Ben Chichoski spoke to us exclusively: “We were greatly inspired by the Bastogne episode of Band of Brothers. Doc Roe is a medic, he doesn’t shoot anyone or blow anything up for the whole episode, but it is still a tense and masterful piece of television. We got to thinking – shooting has been done to death in games, but what about battlefield care? What about amputations under fire? We see a potentially huge and completely untapped market.”

Battlefield 4: Medic Under Fire will be released in Q4 2013.

 

SAINTS ROW PHWOAR The fourth in the increasingly-ridiculous Saints Row series was on display, in all it’s purple majesty. While some people are concerned that it looks like simply an extended DLC pack for Saints Row the Third – nobody can complain about the piece of Day One DLC available for preorders that publisher Deep Misogyny have revealed. Unfortunately no one was allowed to record game footage, but the new DLC sees the player roaming around the city to find “hot bitches” that they can kill, dismember and turn into statues.

To compliment the Dubstep Gun, they’ve included a Strip Pistol and Fellatiothrower.

 

BUCKETS OF FUN

Oculus VR, Inc. announced Buculus Rift – the first official accessory for the much talked about VR device. They promise “the next level in face hugging technology”, “unsurpassed scent removal capabilities”, and “easy-to-clean internal surface.”

When pressed for further comments they were adamant that it “ISN’T just a bucket you strap to your FUCKIN’ head”.

 

FOURLLOUT

In the industry’s best-kept secret of the year, Bethesda’s Phil Hines was at PAX Australia to show off the first footage from Fallout 4. Hines was so obviously excited to be showing off the game that he kept on rubbing his nose with the back of his hand before pausing momentarily to look at the skin. Between sniffles he said:

People really latched on to the story of the Android fleeing the Commonwealth in Fallout 3, so we decided to take the story north, to the snowy peaks of Canada and Alaska.
Unfortunately for the player, the FEV has managed to spread this far north, and simple flying lizards have mutated into giant, flying, fire-breathing SUPER MUTANT LIZARDS!

You read it here first, folks.

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